8:39 a.m. - 15 January, 2012
Depressing dad entry- long and boring
So, normally I wouldn't write about what I'm about to write about, because it's depressing and very personal. I generally don't write about my family's intimate details, but I can't vent to my boyfriend forever, and I know it's hard on him being the only one to listen to it since I won't share it with anyone else.

So here goes.

The past year or so, I have been receiving calls from family members about my father... and sometimes calls from him as well. Apparently he's a train wreck... Shocking.

In his infinite wisdom, he took out a second mortgage on his house because he was jobless, and couldn't find a new job. Keep in mind that my dad hasn't had full time work in 3 years. He is either really terrible at job hunting and interviewing or he really just isn't trying.

My dad is kind of a cry-baby. He whines and cries over every adversity and acts like it's the end of the world when everything doesn't turn up daisies. He is probably the weakest person I've ever known.

So, sadly, he became an alcoholic, well actually, he became an alcoholic after him and my mother divorced when I was 15. He continued his alcoholism on and off until now, over 10 years later. I am surprised he still has a liver to speak of. Anyways, so he's been in foreclosure forever, but my uncle (his brother) has loaned him more than $50,000 which he will never see again, in order to keep his house, which is a disgusting, trashy mess since him and his wife both smoke like chimneys in it, and I don't think they really ever clean.

I gotta be honest, if I inherited that house, I would seriously burn it down. There is no salvaging it and I am almost surprised it hasn't been condemned. It is truly disgusting.

So, after becoming suicidal because he can't make his house payments, he calls all of us kids to say he "loves us, and just wanted us to know" I had to rush to his house and call 911 to meet me there in order to make sure he didn't do anything stupid, and if he did, then there would be people there to take care of it.

This may sound really selfish, but every time someone calls me about my father, sometimes I just wish it was about the fact that it was all over, and that I didn't have to anticipate any more phone calls about him needing money, or being so drunk that the liquor store called my uncle to come pick him up because he was obviously too intoxicated to drive. Or maybe the promises he keeps making that he will stop drinking if he gets the money he needs to pay for his house... right right.

My uncle made a deal with him that if he cut out the extra expenditures (Which my dad is terrible about because he has no concept of budgeting which is why he's in this mess in the first place), and quit drinking alcohol, then he would continue to make my father's house payment. Pretty fucking sweet deal to me. I would sure as shit jump on someone making my house payment for a trade like that.

So my dad is lucky as hell to have a brother that can a) afford to do that and b) cares enough to do that.
Honestly at this point I am not willing to support him in any form any more. He has taken everyone's pity and attention and help and squandered it away in alcohol and depression.

He has received so much help from everyone, it's shocking. And he just sits at home feeling sorry for himself. WTF? I have no pity for people like this. I really don't care if he is my father, there's no excuse for acting like such a dumbshit.

There are almost too many problems to even write down to explain how fucked up he has made his life.

Let me try to make a list of all of this:
--In the past 5 years my dad has probably had 3 minor strokes, pneumonia, diabetes type 2, and blood pressure problems. All of these problems were caused by his own lack of care for his own health.
--In addition to his poor health, he insists he keeps smoking because trying to quit at anytime is "just too hard" Oh boo-fucking-whoo... cry me a river.
--He thinks every doctor is a moron, and doesn't take his medications as directed because he "knows better" than the doctors. So his medication makes him half-retarded and loopy since he won't take it at the prescribed dosage.
-- He doesn't exercise, at all. He's had three minor strokes which have caused him to become so weak that he can barely walk around his own house. My father is not an over-weight man either... so he should not have too much trouble recovering in that department. But every time I ask how he's doing he says "I'm almost back to normal, but I am still recovering."
He is in a constant state of "recovering" if you keep a record of how he states he's doing every time you ask him.
-- Currently he has a part time contract job, which he goes to half the time of that part-time. The only reason he still has that job is because it's a family friend and our insurance provider.
-- He often calls in sick to his part-time job due to his alcoholism, and tries to fool everyone by saying he just isn't feeling well, when he's really just hungover and feels sick because of it.
-- He has consistently been "borrowing" money from any family member that he can. Including my younger brother who isn't even out of college. He asked me for $1000 dollars when I went to his house as a COURTESY to cut his hair. When I told him I wouldn't give him the money, he had the nerve to say "Well, could you at least buy me some cigarettes before you go then? Uh, no. Cigs are a huge waste of money that he doesn't have.
He doesn't have any money to buy alcohol or cigs, but that seems to be more important to him than paying his electric bill, or his mortgage.
-- When my uncle was giving my dad money to pay his mortgage, he would go out and buy non-necessity items with that money and then be unable to still make the mortgage payment.
-- His step-son who lives with him and his wife was paying $500 a month to live in that shit-hole of a house. You can get your own apartment for that much money, and this kid works in a pizza parlor and just turned 18. This just makes me sick. That $500 is almost his whole paycheck.
-- My father has never been good with money in his entire life. And he still doesn't realize how stupid he is with it. When my mother and him were still together, they started a computer business that went bankrupt after a year or so (shocking). They had borrowed over $80,000 from family to start the business, and when it went down the tubes, my dad didn't feel the need to pay anyone back. A loan to him is just money you're willing to part with forever. He doesn't understand that a loan is something you pay back. So when he asked to "borrow" $1000 from me, I knew it would just end up as cigs and alcohol, so I said no because I knew I would never see that money again, and I actually WORK REALLY FUCKING HARD for my money, instead of begging the rest of my family to support my dumb fucking lazy ass because I am too stupid to realize I am killing myself while using a lot of money to do it.

So, I know this has been long, but I really needed to get it out because I am sick and tired of his grief becoming mine. I should not have to deal with this shit just because my father is a piece of shit. I refuse to spend my life worrying about someone who refuses to help themselves.

I am done and I am at a place now where I can walk away, and whatever happens, happens. He had many chances to turn his life around and every time he has just squandered it. I don't know if it's because he likes the pity, I don't know if he is really just brain damaged from the minor strokes, or if he's delusional, but everyone is really just finished and tired of dealing with him. I think we are all of the opinion that if he wants to live his life like this, and slowly kill himself, then have at it.

I am just glad that none of his kids turned out to be as pathetic as him. If you can't pick yourself and dust yourself off after a few hardships, then maybe you should just stay on the floor, cry like a little girl and just give up. Apparently that's my father's motto.

Sorry for the depressing entry. It just had to be done.

Oh, P.S.- Please don't send me pity e-mails or anything. I am not looking for pity, I just wanted to vent. I am fine and mentally balanced. I just needed to get this off my chest and I can't keep putting it all on poor Josh. lol He has enough to worry about without my crazy family problems.

Here's hoping that all of your families are doing well.

<3

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