11:41 p.m. - 2019-10-13
Disappointments, again.
This is a list of disappointments to remind me why I should just remain single.

-- You don't care about you when you're not feeling well. You only care about what I can do for you... you don't care about what I need in return.
-- You can't afford to buy anything because you spend money on other dumb things that are more important to you, like 2 motorcycles and weed.
-- You clearly only put effort into things that bring you joy because you're selfish. If it involves giving something to me for my well being, but it doesn't benefit you, you won't do it.
-- You still can't tell me that you love me, because you don't.
-- You're super cocky, which is why you do your hair every 5 seconds and act like you're a god damn playboy. It's not appealing to be with someone so conceited.
-- It's amazing how when I am feeling sick, you magically disappear and go off and just do your own thing without even thinking about me, or asking me if I need anything. How stupid of me to think that you might have some concern for my well being.
-- You're not grateful for fucking anything. Making you dinner, bringing you lunch, buying things you need... Thank you's are few and far between. You don't do anything to show gratitude.
-- You're so fiscally irresponsible and not willing to make changes to improve your financial standing if it involves giving up something you like, but is totally unnecessary.
-- Smoking weed is important to you, and you only gave it up during the divorce proceedings because you were afraid they would do a random drug test. Now that it's over, you smoke it almost daily.
-- Your mother is a fucking dumb shit and one of the most annoying people I've ever met. She is so dimwitted, I feel dumber each time I have to talk to her. She is incapable of talking about anything other than stupid short anecdotes about her dumb life or something insanely morbid from a news story.
-- Additionally, your mother is so fucking nosy about shit that is none of her fucking business. She needs to get her own fucking life and stop digging into ours.
-- You get jealous over really stupid shit, and yet I am being ridiculous when you do things like visit another woman's home and cook dinner for her with her child...
-- I understand money is tight, except when it's my birthday and you have no money to spend, but less than a month later, you magically have $250 available to spend on your son's fucking birthday toy. I am not materialistic, but some effort would have been nice on my birthday. I don't even care how much you spend. It's just very clear where I stand by the level of effort you make in our relationship.
-- You made fun of my friends for not being as attractive as you think they should be, and then refused to apologize for it.
-- You make me feel like an inconvenience when I am not feeling well. I could tell that you wanted me to go home when I was sick. I would have if I felt that I could have driven myself. You couldn't stand it though, so you left for 2 hours while I stayed on your couch. Then you spent the rest of the later afternoon sleeping. You couldn't wait for me to leave, or give me shit about having to disinfect your house after I left.
-- You abhor the idea of helping me with any of my projects. I know it's awful that I might ask for something in return for everything I do for you. How dare I...
-- I know you're just going to end up cheating on me, if you haven't already. All men are cheaters. I have yet to meet one that hasn't.
-- You're a dirt bag just like every other man I've ever met. I really can't believe I thought you were different. Every second I stay with you, I feel like I am wasting my life.

So, here's my pledge to myself:
-- I am NOT going to decorate my home the way you want me to. It's my fucking house, and if you don't like it, keep your dumbass fucking mouth shut out of respect, and the fact that your opinion is about as valuable as a piece of dog shit on the sidewalk.
-- I am NOT going to bring you lunch anymore, because you don't fucking appreciate it. You've gotten to the point where you expect it.
-- I am not going to try to get you to make plans with me, or ask you what we're doing tonight ahead of time. If you can't manage to think a few hours ahead of time and figure out if you want to do something together, then I won't be available. I am not a last minute time filler whenever you feel like it.
-- I am NOT going to buy things for you anymore.
-- I am NOT going to go out of my way to do things for you.
-- I am going to prioritize MY GOALS, instead of spending time with you.
-- I am going to pretend that I am single, because I need to prioritize myself and my well being over yours.
-- I am going to stop expecting you to actually behave like a respectable man and boyfriend, because you're so incredibly disappointing and I am tired of being upset.
-- I will no longer let you pick EVERY SINGLE THING WE WATCH ON TV EVERY TIME WE ARE TOGETHER.
-- I am not going to expect you to compliment me, ever... since it never happens anyway.
-- I am not going to expect you to tell me that you love me, since you are incapable of saying it to me.
-- I am not going to expect you to ever plan a date night, since you are allergic to planning anything.
-- I am not going to expect to be a priority. I expect to be a filler for your spare time, because that's what I am.
-- I am going to make more time for my friends and avoid isolating myself and spending too much time with you.
-- If someone flirts with me out in public, I am going to enjoy it and flirt back, because I know you would do the same without batting an eye. You have no respect for me, and it shows.
-- I will see how long you stick around when we are no longer doing everything you want to do, and I am no longer treating you so sweetly on a daily basis. I doubt it will be long before you ask me "What's wrong?" when I no longer go out of my way to make you feel good or make sure you're taken care of.

Fuck this lopsided bullshit. From now on, you're getting what you give. So enjoy the nothingness you fucking asshole.

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