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7:59 p.m. - 2019-07-28 I know I only write when major life events occur. This entry is no different. Long story short: Met a guy on bumble that I went to high school with, we started dating, even though he has a son. I've supported him through a rough divorce, and paid for just about everything we do since he's broke, and I give way more than I get emotionally. Things didn't start out all bad, of course. It never does. The honeymoon stage is such a load of bullshit though. Two people, pretending to be good, decent, human beings... then slowly things change until you're unhappy. Anyway, things had been deteriorating between us since he doesn't ever compliment me, or tell me how he feels about me, so I've tried to break up with him several times. Each time he asks me to stay. We took a short break until after his divorce was finished, since he said that's when he'll be able to focus on "us." Right. So, we went camping this weekend with his son, who is 9. His son doesn't know we're dating (we've been dating for about 10 months...), and so we can't show any PDA around him, even though his ex-wife has a new boyfriend and they kiss, hold hands, etc. all in front of his son. He says he doesn't want to expose his son to it because he doesn't like it, and it makes him uncomfortable. So I get to hang out as the third-wheel friend, while him and his son hang out, hug, kiss, say they love each other, tickle, play, sleep and cuddle together, and just in general have fun. I get to just hang out to the side and just be there.... so much fun to pretend to be his friend while all that shit is going on. So yeah, this weekend of camping sucked ass to sit to the side and watch my boyfriend dote on his son, and basically show him all the affection, and to get none. Super awesome. I was over it immediately. I didn't want to be around them, or do anything with them. I just wanted to be alone, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I tried to spend as much time sleeping as possible so I could avoid having to be around them. I guess the expectation was that I would come with them, and basically just cook for them while they played. They did ask me to come with them to do stuff, but it was so fucking hot, and I didn't really feel like tagging along just to watch them have fun together and just be by myself... hanging out as the third wheel. It's similar to a situation where you're friends with someone you have a crush on, and you tag along with them and their girl/boyfriend. So fun to watch them do all the things you wish you were doing together. lol Such a stupid situation. I also learned that I will never make an exception again for someone that has a child. I just can't stand them. They're loud, annoying, stupid, and just wastes of space. I can't do it. Anyway, the bf obviously noticed that I wasn't my normal happy self, and I wasn't laughing all the time like I normally do. Probably because it sucks to just be a girlfriend when it's fucking convenient. It's really cool to watch your bf spend all their time and attention with their kid, and you just get to stand by and watch while you're basically ignored. So much fun. Either way, we were both over it by the time we returned from camping. So once we got back to his house, I just packed the shit I could fit in my car and left. We just said "bye" with no eye contact, no hug, nothing, which is fine with me. We went a whole weekend without it, what's one more interaction of just pretending to be friends? I honestly don't even care anymore. He's a fucking dramatic train wreck that doesn't treat me the way I deserve. I've given him so fucking much, and I've gotten so fucking little. It just blows my mind. Whatever, not my fucking problem anymore. He can struggle on his own, I don't care. I don't feel like I ask for a lot in a relationship. I just want to feel loved and for the other person to be considerate of my feelings. He doesn't do either of those things. Not to mention, he lives with his mother, who is even more annoying than his child. She talks about shit that no one cares about. She hovers constantly, doing absolutely nothing while she's hovering, other than just standing by, making comments about what you're doing. She has nothing of content to say. She is so incredibly simple-minded... she's probably less mentally developed than his son. It's both sad, and incredibly annoying. But back to the main culprit. This guy is so unmotivated, and he drinks, as well as smokes cigarettes and weed. When we met, I specifically asked if he had any bad habits. Magically, none of these came up... Shocking. Another liar. So, another one bites the dust. But, as always, good riddance. lol I would like to stay single for awhile, or just casually date. I am tired of men taking up my time and wasting it. I can imagine I would be so far ahead if I didn't have to deal with men. I will probably date just for the fun of it, but it gets tiring to spend the time to even set up a date. Ugh. I need to find a way to occupy my time that is fruitful, rather than just occupying it with useless men that will only drag me down and waste my life.
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